Top Oppikoppi Tips nobody bothers to give you, even though they should

2 Aug

OK WhisperingTake wet wipes. Hydrate. Sunscreen. Pace yourself. Pack warm…
An Oppikoppi Tips List nowadays kinda writes itself. Sadly, it’s becoming a tad redundant. Anyone with Google can find the last few years’ posts, and let’s face it, the list kinda stays the same.

There are however, some pointers nobody seems to talk about. Until now

So here we go, my contribution to the growing number of festival tip lists:

OK phone1. Clean your phone before you leave home.
You’re gonna want take drunk selfies and blurry pics of the bands, in spite of the fact that all those other lists tell you to lock your phone in the car and forget about it. So make sure you have enough space for all the shaky videos and incriminating visual evidence of your friends’ debauchery.
OK marker


2. Make your mark

Take a permanent marker. Mark your stuff. Like a tent, bag, chair, and whatever might be lost that you would prefer to be found again. This even works for friends, but not livers or dignity.

 

 
OK bald3. Shave your head, wish you were dead.
For some reason, the Art of Bald is seen as a powerful force (which it might very well be). Group identity, individual freedom of expression or silent solidarity with a chemo-friend… all good ideas. Except when heading to a place where you will spend 40% of your awake time, in scorching sunlight.
You will also lose your hat, even though your permanent marker is on it.
So unless you habitually wax your leathery cranium, don’t impulsively do it pre-Koppi.

OK common sense4. Make Common Sense Great Again
Do you really, really need to be told to pack a tent, toothbrush and water? If you do, please don’t go to Koppi. You will die even before you get there, possibly by sticking your fingers into the Northam KFC’s wall socket simply coz there was no sign telling you not to.
So when you get to Koppi, please use whatever’s left of your enjoyably euthanised cerebellum, and think before you do things. That way, you won’t end up with an ex, tottie-vrot, or an axe in your leg. And yes, all those are things that have happened to stupid people.

OK camping5. Read the lists, ignore the shit
You thought I was dissing all the lists and such? Not at all. They are good guides and will help you enjoy your Oppikoppi experience. It’s just that, well… let’s be honest, nobody packs ALL that crap to go to Koppi. I know maybe 3 people who will get close to doing so, and they are the ones who will feed you rusks in the morning coz you didn’t pack it.
So decide what type of Koppi you want to have.
Camping in the bush, and ‘oh there are bands too’? Go all out camping, you know, like you probably do at least once a month anyway.
Barely spending time at your tent coz you’re EVERYWHERE else having a jol? Fuck it. You can drastically scale your convoy’s cargo carrying requirements down if you take a thicker wallet.

There you go, yet another list.
What do you think should be on this list? And be warned, I will mock you relentlessly if you say something that is on a million other lists.


For a decent list of things to take, here’s 33 things you need for Oppikoppi: A stage manager’s perspective as seen on Running Wolf’s Rant.

If you’re bored, here are my previous Oppikoppi Posts

If you see me in the dust, let’s have a tequila! #RockWithCuervo

Share to care, coz it rhymes.

Oppi

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3 Responses to “Top Oppikoppi Tips nobody bothers to give you, even though they should”

  1. Brett 3 August 2016 at 01:15 #

    Take a towel. It is the most versatile and in my opinion the most important item. During the day it can be used as a mat while lounging listening to the opening bands or shielding you from the relentless sun. It an be used as an insulator in you bag to keep your inebriating beverages moderately cooler. At night oppi developes an arctic climate. It can be used as a blanket or to grab hot cans of food out of a fire in your drunked state. Trust me that piece of clothe is open to your imagination. Have one handy.

    • BaasDeBeer 4 August 2016 at 09:26 #

      That is a brilliant tip, and should be adhered to by everyone.
      After all, Douglas Adams taught us in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy about the importance of always having your towel with you…

  2. Korsten van der Westhuizen 4 August 2016 at 15:37 #

    Good read thanks.

    Will keep my eyes on your blog 😀

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